FRIDAY:
worked. no surprise there. i had a killer headache though. so i decided to walk to my bank to order a new debit card. when i got back to work i still had a headache and then i started to feel nautious. great. just what i need when i have 8 more hours of work left.
so around 730pm or so, i decide it's time to stop working. so instead of leaving and going to bed, which is what i wanted to do ALL day, i decided to write in the names of all the songs i have on my itunes that aren't already there. i am so retarded. 8o'clock rolls around and i'm thinking i need to get the hell out of here. I check my phone. Oops, brad called. called him back, apparently he, ian, and matt were downtown eating. Even though I wanted to sleep, I decided to join them because I hadn't seen brad in forever. (see previous blog for note about brad withdrawal.) so dinner was nice, although i didn't eat anyhting cuz i was still nautious. so then i went home and passed out.
SATURDAY:
I had this brilliant plan to go running in the morning before work. Hahaha...i swear, who am i kidding? So I slept in, kinda, and got into work around 8. Worked. And I finally did my own tax return. Yay me! Unfortunately my sweet ass refund is going to my parents.
After work, I decided to go for that run cuz no one wants a fatass. I was going to run 8 but once I hit downtown I saw my fellow running buddies from work heading the other way. So I ditched the last mile and turned around and ran with them. Fancy that. When we almost got to rosecrans they said they were going left on a street before. So I thought, I'll run another mile to make up for the one I missed. Yeah...ended up running two more. AND I was running at a 8:30 minute per mile pace. Um, btw, that's super fast for me. I was always the leisurely type runner....chatting it up with jenny....never really being out of breath at any point during the run. Yeah, that wasn't the case. The fact that I was hauling ass actually made me happy. It was something different. And my mind was off everything in this world and it was fabulous.
Decided to clean up the apartment..basically cuz I had no choice. Jenny and her mom are coming home today and I knew I wasn't going to feel like cleaning today. Listened to little russian lesbians singing techno type shit. It was great.
So after I took a shower I laid down on my bed. I should've just stayed there and called it a night. But I decided to go to the crew party. So after 20 minutes of debating with myself whether i should get up or not, i decided to go.
So, honestly, what was my motivation to go? I don't really know the crew team that much anymore. If i went, it's not like i would spend that much time hanging out with brad...he'll be jumping around from person to person. And who else do I know? Nina, Nick, Ryan....yeah that's about it. Will still hates me, so unfortunate. I wasn't sure if Holly or Christine would be there. SO, i ask again, what the hell was my motivation to go? Because as much as I love brad, nina, nick, and ryan they will be enjoying themselves with all the other crew people I don't know. So I ask myself, why not mingle with all the college students? Yeah, ask yourself that question out loud. I fucking graduated already. I'm supposed to be moving on from the world of partying and playing flipcup (which I was actually really sad I didn't play). I just don't see a point in talking to people I don't really know or care about and have no connection to besides the fact i used to be a crew groupie.
I guess I didn't want to sit at home by myself, (btw, sorry i didn't call you back erica), so I decided to go.
I get to brad's house, and immediately I'm super uncomfortable. Gee, andi didn't see that one coming. dumbass. anyway, i proceed away from everyone and what do i do? call kevin. get made fun of there...he even asks me why i'm there. I don't really even know if i had an answer. punk, you know me too well and it kinda scares me sometimes. anyway, as I'm talking to him i see another person i know, BEN! so i hang up on kev cuz i'm rude like that and i go talk to ben. background on ben...haven't seen him since graduation and i actually wasn't really sure if i would ever see him again. so in other words, i was surprised and pleased to see him. That fucker has a brewery in his basement. lucky bastard.
So I go back in the house and hang out, catch up with ben, realize i'm still really fucking uncomfortable. so brad realizes he's going to be out of toilet paper. I think to myself, ooh...can't have that. So what do i do? I volunteer to go get some. And I was supposed to pick up some ping pong balls. So it was an easy out for a little while. So I go to walmart. Apparently they stopped selling pingpong balls at walmart a year ago. So i pick up some toilet paper and a snickers and i'm on my way back. fuck, i dont want to go back.
so i put toilet paper in the bathrooms and i'm talking with holly, watching flipcup and whatnot. it was good to see holly, too. But i was so uncomfortable that i couldn't really enjoy her company...which is rather sad. So a little while later nina and christine show up. so i chat with them. then nick walks in the kitchen holding a pair of keys. OH SHIT, nick why are you holding my keys? Apparently, I left them in one of the bathrooms when i was stocking up on toilet paper. Nick, you are my savior.....oh, and btw you looked really good last night. But seriously, imagine if i decided to leave then realize i can't. I would start crying.
anyway, i hang out for a little while longer. the keg runs out of beer. brad comes up to me and asks if i'll go get some more. fuck yeah i will. i go to the store, pick up a 30pack, and by the time i'm back to the house my friend josh is there. thank god. someone else i can talk t0. and he was wearing a really cute shirt. aw, little josh. when i saw him he gave me my christmas present which was a purse/handbag that you would take to the beach. how cute is he?
so anyway, go back in the house. still uncomfortable.
ok so now, if not before, you are asking yourself, then why didn't you just go home andi? and this is what i have to say, that's a good question.
after a while, it was time. i needed to go home. I was unhappy and tired. Not a good combination.
SUNDAY:
So i wake up and start thinking about the previous night. And I'm really bitter now. Why was I so uncomfortable? Some of my favorite times in college were at crew parties. I'd say that it was because i was sober. But that's not the case. I'm really pissed at myself. The real andi only comes out in certain circumstances. My work people have seen the real me. Kevin could probably tell you what i'm going to do before i do it. Jenny, Michael, Marcus, and vassa know the real me. But other than that, people have only seen glimpses. And i dont know why but that bothers me. It's amazing that i don't talk in front of some people. i just dont say much. even around brad. and nick. and that's not who i am. And i think i realized this last night. I'd like to think that I'm pretty outgoing but judging from last night i'm starting to think that i am completely clueless about how i am. boo.
crap, i need to go vacuum. i dont know when jenny is getting back. crap, i need to do laundry too. i've decided that apart from work and sleep, laundry is my life. oh my, i totally forgot to mention something. I got back last night sometime after one, and my landlord who lives below us was hammering something into the wall. wtf man? and it lasted a good 10 minutes. crazy old man.
alright, it's vacuum time!
