Bitterness times five and a half

Well, all today i thought i was wednesday. there is problem number one.

I didn't go running in the rain even though i love it. cuz i suck. I decided to work instead. honestly andi, wtf?

There has been something each day for the past week that has made me extremely bitter. Ask Kevin. I think i call him every night at least once to complain about something. He probably just tunes me out like always but i figure at least i give him something to listen to. I don't really think there is much else in texas to listen to. anway, i'm making no sense.

Body is still in permanent phase of nightbeforetest mode.

Working at least 11 hours a day and only getting paid for almost 10.

Jenny is leaving me tomorrow and going to vegas.

I ate too many cookies to wash away my bitterness. Didn't wash away anything. stupid cookies.

Wait, where the fuck is jenny? it's 8:50pm and she's not home. and she went running this morning so shes not out doing that. oh, speak of the devil. she just walked in the door. irony, i just called jenny a devil. HAHA.

Yeah, there's far more that i'm bitter about but i'm over it for tonight. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Take a chill tablet

Whoa, I can't believe I just gave the title of my blog as that. I remember phil was the first one who ever told me that and when he said it, it caught my funny bone and i about died laughing. Get it!?

Anyway, I need to relax. This was NOT a relaxing weekend. Boo.

FRIDAY:

worked late and passed out. nothing new there. oh wait, i wrote that blog about brad and before he even read it he actually called me. that made me happy.

SATURDAY:

worked half the day away. what got me thru it was techno and brian playing system of a down.

jenny and i went for a run. decided to do a little mission beach boardwalk action. it was a good run. and it was actually kinda nice to be whistled at again. when jenny and i were training for the marathon, random people would always whistle or say inappropriate things to us and it gave us something to talk about for another 30 seconds...which is nice. but since i run at the buttcrack of dawn every morning now, no one is up to whistle. sad.

then a group of us went to souplantation and i stuffed my face and it was amazing. until then i hadnt really eaten anything...a bagel for breakfast i suppose.

then it was time to hang out with my old roomie nicole...whom i love dearly. i haven't seen her in forever. here's when the stressful night happened. and what makes me mad is that i totally took on the stress myself.

so i went with jenny and erica to meet up with nicole in pb. here was the problem: j & e wanted to dance, nicole did not. so basically i'm trying to be everywhere at once...and it sucks. and then i end up feeling bad because i'm ditching both people to be with the other and i got stressed out. and i wasn't sober and i wasn't drunk so i was not happy.

there were good things about the night. i saw people from my high school whom i thought had no idea who i was. they are actually really nice. (ryan sangalang and anthony mihalsky for anyone who knows who they are.)

so it was brian sullivans bday so i walked over to longboards to say hi to the people over there. i wished brian a happy bday and apologized to andre for calling him a creep and i bought nina's neighbor a drink. and i am in love with him. when we were waiting for the car he was keeping me warm and we were cuddling and cracking jokes and whatnot. what a cutie. anyway, by this time i wanted to chop off my feet because i was in fuckme boots and i was sick of standing. and my feet were really effing swollen. so i passed out at ninas once again and that was that.

SUNDAY:

watched drop dead gorgeous, took a nap, went grocery shopping, ate jennys chocolate chip cookies, and now i'm listening to enya and writing in the blog.

i try to listen to enya every night before bed because its very relaxing and my body is always fucking stressed. and sitting here i'm still stressed thinking about the shit i have to do. i have to do a shitload of laundry. i have to clean my room. i have to work my life away this week.

AND jenny is going to vegas with her mom on thursday. while she's having fun i'm going to be working. and working. and sleeping. and working. i am super jealous.

i just wish for once my body would just relax. it's like a permanent state of the night before a test when you realize you still have 5 more hours of studying to do. arg.

i just need something to get my mind off of everything. i hate tv. i feel worthless when i watch tv. my body is too exhausted to do laundry or clean. fuck me.

basically this whole blog is just venting. sorry it's not interesting. its just shit i needed to get off my chest. boo.

Brad, are you alive?

It occurred to me that I haven't talked to brad in forever. It was one of those things where you have withdrawals. I had a family withdrawal a couple weeks ago. Now, granted I may be the only person alive that this happens to but oh well. I think I've hit brad withdrawal. boo. brad call me.

Note to everyone: I'm tired and cranky most of the time so I don't call you because I'm too lazy. But call me and get my ass out into society.

Holly, you alive? I know you read this shit..call me.

Ok, so this is sick. I've been at my computer all day and I could very well go home but no, I'm writing in my blog. I think it's therapeutic.

So Kevin told me what a "Wobbly A" is the other day. I was rather disturbed. If you don't know what that is, you don't want to. Mary is yelling at me to go home.

In the great words of Rafiki....It is time.

1000 degrees

Working is not fun:

A. when the airconditioner is off and you don't have windows to open.

B. it's a holiday.

C. when your mind is completely elsewhere.

Compliments of the Ruans

So, I pretty much had a fabulous weekend. Two of my friends from home, Vicki and Andrew, came into town. So Jenny and Michael joined us for dinner at Miguels where I ate their fabulous white sauce (ew that sounds gross) and had a mango margarita. soooo good.

then we proceeded to cass st where jenny spent the entire night flirting with an older man and i asked andrew and vicki a million questions about politics. it was the most intense bar conversation ive ever had in my life. and then we talked about how we hate stingy people when they have fucking money to spend. but i'm not bitter...nope, never.

when we got back to my apartment we went to dennys and i had a waffle with strawberries with it. amazing. and vicki order four, yes four, side items and ate every single last bite. but this is not the end of our eating....it just began there.

saturday rolls around and i decided to go for a run. i completely ate shit. i tripped on a little lip in the sidewalk. i tried so hard to dive on the grass right next to me with my last two steps before i fell but was unsuccessful. my shoulder hit the grass (definitely got a grass stain) but my elbow and hip were not so fortunate. as i lay crippled on the sidewalk this suburban pulls up to me and this old couple asks if i'm alright. i say i'll be fine. they drive 10 feet ahead, stop, put the car in reverse, stop next to me again and the old woman proceeds to get out of the car to see if i'm alright. i'm incredibly embarassed by this time. the woman is telling me that it is alright to let her help me and her husband driver is asking me if i need a ride anywhere. granted this is super nice but i'm so embarassed that i just want them to leave. so i thank them for being so kind and say i'll be fine. the rest of the run i made sure to pick up my damn feet when i ran. ew, and i left a red mark on the sidewalk from the cut on my elbow. stupid battle wound.

then i got my haircut. no more grown out mullet for me!

then i went to barona where vicki's parents were staying. they bought vicki, andrew and i a room for saturday night. they also bought us an extraordinary meal. appetizers, soup, salad, and steak. mmmmm...meat. so i want to be auntie gwynneth. this woman is out of control. talking about wine and money and politics and god knows what else. but she was a fucking riot. picture this: old, crazy, asian woman talking in her cute little accent and just being the life of the party. i love that woman.

so a, v, and i continued to drink more, pose and take pictures (just wait for them to arrive on myspace), lose money gambling, drink more, and pass out. absoltuely a phenomenal time.

woke up, had breakfast on the ruan's again. her family was being extremely generous.

i drive back home. i was supposed to do laundry, and go grocery shopping. yeah that didnt happen. nick hung out for a while, jenny and i had a discussion about religion, and i started crying while reminiscing about praying with vicki right before we went to high school. i had the most happy, lighthearted weekend and all of the sudden i feel extremely lost. i don't know what i believe and i don't really know what i want to get out of my lifetime. and that freaks me out. so i'm going to try and not think about it and go to bed.

and just for the record, horny=bad news

I have no life

HIGH and low points of my past couple weeks:

1. Working a crapton. And actually, it's really not even that bad and all i have to look forward to is that it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.

2. I can't sleep at night. At first I blamed it on being sick but now that I'm not sick, I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. ok that's a lie...see #3.

3. I went out with a co-worker one night after work. And after no dinner and many drinks I started crying. And it wasn't a tear or two. I was CRYING. andi get your shit together.

4. So I've come to the conclusion that work stresses me out. I don't think about work when I'm not at work so I don't know what my problem is.

5. My mama, sis, and aunt came down to visit me. I was having family withdrawals so that was nice.

crap...more later it's time to work. hmm...surprise surprise.

You aint ever had a friend like me

OK, so random but you know what song i have stuck in my head? You aint ever had a friend like me from Aladdin. can i call you Al? or maybe just Din? or how bout Laddi?

So, I am losing it. It's kinda crazy when your friend knows you better than you do. For instance, I was talking with kev today and i was saying how i hope i dont get fired and that i'm completely retarded. And he's like, andi, stop saying that cuz one, I'm about to agree with you, and two, if you keep at it you're gonna end up crying. It's true. I probably wouldve broken down.

FUCK. i just burned my tongue. stupid soup. im still sick. BUT, i figure i got my workout today at work because i couldnt stop coughing and that works your tummy muscles. like my reasoning? and you KNOW i'm sick when my work makes a costco run and i cant even force myself to eat the wonderful food. blasted.

i really hope i'm not fired after tax season. i feel absolutely worthless right now. i love my job. i may complain about being retarded after working long hours and having mental breakdowns but its just because i wanna do a good job. dammit.

so i totally didn't go to law house on friday. yeah, i laid down to take a nap and then never really got back up. oh and then i watched the following movies at my aunts house over the weekend:

wedding crashers
clue
she's all that
can't hardly wait
the island
in good company
garden state
addams family
addams family values
i started watching napoleon dynamite - but i still dont see what's so good about it and i turned it off.

yeah, my friend from work is going to kill me because i still haven't watched pulp fiction or resevoir dogs. correction, i started watching pulp fiction but then jenny came home and had a mental breakdown and i had to turn it off. (by the way brad- i still have y tu mama tambien and eternal sunshine...oh and trainspotting.) im such a loser. i really wanna watch these movies i'm just retarded and never sit down to do it.

i think my random babble is just about up. oh, vicki and andrew are coming to town. not that i can really hang out but i'm still super excited to see them.

note to self:
never eat split pea soup that isn't your mothers.

raylene- yeah, 12 hours at work. how many billable? 7.4
i'm so effing screwed.

alright, i'm gonna go take some drugs, have a good cry, then go to bed.

Tax Season Phenomenon

Ok, what the hell was I thinking when I said I wanted to be an accountant?

Ok, so that was a little harsh. I do like doing taxes, I just get stressed out far too easily. This is the first week we started putting in more hours. And it took a toll on my body.

MONDAY:
Woke up at 4am to get to work at 5. worked an hour then ran with the crew at work. then worked a lot. thank god nick called me and saved me from work. and we ate sushi. and it was spectacular. and then i passed out.

TUESDAY:
had a mental breakdown in front of my friend who was trying to help me on this hellish payroll tax return. got home and started getting a sore throat. superb.

WEDNESDAY:
when i got home from work i was so exhausted and irritated that i wanted to slap alwayshappyjenny in the face. i insulted her and didnt apologize for it. i'm such a bitch.

THURSDAY:
was starting to look better. have gotten used to the fact that i will be working for the rest of my life. apologized to jenny for being a bitch. then i had to take her to the airport. =(

TODAY:
i feel sick. been coughing and blowing my nose all day. poo! no, i havent been pooing just poo as in shitfuckdamn. i have been rather upbeat today though. not exactly sure why. i was supposed to go to my aunts tonight, but driving to escondido seems like a bitch. i think i'm gonna take a nap then go say hi to the crew at law house. i hope they don't mind the fact that i'm going in pajamas.

LIFE:
so ive basically decided that i am not going to find a significant other in san diego. guys are all toolbags going after barbie and i still dont know of one lesbian in the san diego area.

i'm going to grow old with michael. and we are going to have a lot of cats. marcus can come too if he wants. and that is going to be my life.